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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
March, 1991
Alive & Well
by Kyle
Do you want to live to be 100?
Only a very few people answer this question with an unhesitating "Yes!"
For most of us the answer is more conditional. "Yes, if I can be healthy," "yes, if I can be happy," "yes, if I can be guaranteed that..." and we stop right there. The unspoken part of these answers is "Yes, if you can guarantee that..." and without realilizing it, we willingly pass on responsibility for the other side of the great if, and become a victim of the world at large. Suddenly we have no control whatsoever over our own life.
This may sound overdramatic. I know for many people it's just a matter of degrees because it is true that you can get by in life holding your mother responsible for your childhood, your boss responsible for your happiness at work, or your lover for making your weekend fulfilling.
But when you're HIV-challenged, and
third grade for pinching the girl in front of me in the lunch line. I was about to meet an authority larger than life: the Doctor who in all his infinite wisdom could pronounce me well or, God forbid, ill. My fate was in someone else's hands. Terrified, with fingers crossed, I waited.
What a shock it was after all those years of passive belief in a Band-aid-and-aspirin philosophy of medicine to find out that there were no answers, and doctors weren't gurus privy to celestial secrets. There were no outside guarantees. No one, nothing, was more responsible for my health than myself.
Even more to the point, no one was more capable or more qualified to accept this responsibility than myself.
With this knowledge, there was a sigh of relief, and I immediately began to feel better, to feel hope, more charge and less like a victim. There is a wonderful kind of freedom in realizing your fate is in your own hands. You have the power to take
you hold your doctor responsible for the care of yourself. The key to wellness (and care of yourself. The key to wellness (and
state of your health, it's no longer just dramatic, it's real. It's no longer a matter of getting by, because just getting by isn't enough. It's a matter of life and death.
The problem is that somewhere along the line we learn that we can get by without actually having to assume responsibility. We have insurance for maintenance and doctors for mechanics and we passively believe that we are being responsible. The fact is that passive belief in anything is simply not enough.
The following are some of the characteristics that distinguish long-term survivors of AIDS:
Survivors are passionately committed to living.
Survivors take responsibility for their own healing.
Survivors tend to have extraordinary relationships with their health-care provid-
ers.
I vividly remember my first doctor appointment after finding out I was HIVchallenged. I felt much like I did when I was called to the principal's office in the
wellness has to do with a lot more than just AIDS, it is that special balance of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being) is not carefully guarded and protected secret amongst a few chosen professionals. It is a window in each of us that only we can open to let them in to help.
Bernie Seigel, M.D. calls this 'the healing partnership,' and the most important tool we can use. Developing this relationship is easy, all you have to do is assert yourself.
When the doctor asks how you are, don't say "Fine."Tell him how you really are. He can never get as much information from your pulse and blood pressure as he can from you yourself, and he is trained to work from signs and symptoms-not from mindreading.
Don't be passive. If you have questions, ask them. No question is too insignificant or trite when your health is at stake. If you disagree, say so. If you need more information, demand it. If you are uncomfortable, tell him. Always ask about treatment options; it is your right to know what your choices are.
Collaborate. Work with the doctor and insist that he work with you. Professionals agree that patients must be comfortable with and believe in what they are doing for themselves and their health. If you don't believe something is going to help you, it cuts its chances of helping you in half. Share this with the doctor so it can be resolved. Otherwise you're both wasting your time and energy.
Don't be a statistic. Statistics seldom apply to the individual. For every statistic that tells you one thing there is at least one, if not more, to tell you the opposite. Set personal goals instead.
Remember that health is a state of balance. Taking pills but not reducing stress is a stand-still situation. A belief system, nutrition, exercise, fun, play and laughter are just as important!
Don't assume the victim role. You are only a victim if you choose to be. Take responsibility for your life and health. Not only will you feel better, but others, your doctor included, will respond more positively and willingly as well.
Do not underestimate yourself. You are in charge. You are capable of healing
30
yourself, and you are capable of killing yourself. Your body knows what's wrong with it and your intuition tells you this. Pay attention, trust and share this information. It may be the most vital information you or the doctor can have.
Be a human being, not a disease. Don't become consumed by the ill. The ill is only something trying to attack the well. Be the well and fight the ill. If you hide from the ill you are only giving it all the freedom it wants. Stand up and strike out and take care of yourself, and send it back where it belongs. Insist your doctor do the same.
Educate yourself. Some excellent books are available. Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Siegal, M.D. and Surviving AIDS by Michael Callen are two I highly recommend.
When you think about asking the doctor, "How long will I live?" ask yourself instead, How long do I want to live?
it?
Then ask, What am I going to do about
And you have your answer.
So tell me: Do you want to live to be 100?
30 enjoy Visions dinner-dance
Visions enjoyed its first gala social event on Saturday, February 9, at what used to be Jocks Bar on South Main Street in Akron. The dinner-dance, catered by Chamberlains, moved delectably from caviar to cheesecake. A group of more than 30 members took advantage of the Valentine season to enjoy the festivities.
The bar was well decorated with red accents including red plastic film and red hearts hanging from the ceiling. The subdued light-also tinted red-added to the
atmosphere appropriate to the season and the theme of the event.
The next social event on Visions' calendar will be March 16, a St. Patrick's Day Casino extravaganza. Further details will be made available closer to that date. Another social event is being planned for May 18. Details of this meeting will be forthcoming. Anyone interested may contact Visions at P.O. Box 26556, Akron, OH 44319-6556.
Susan M Weaver
is pleased to announce that Katherine M. Haka
has become an Associate and David Jaffe is now Of Counsel with the offices of Weaver & Associates. Effective February 18, 1991 our offices will be located at 1370 W. 6th Street, Suite 212 Cleveland, Ohio 44113-1308 (216) 621-7200
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